Monthly Archives: April 2012

李維怡

消費主義,讓我們從小習慣以購物去滿足和麻醉自己,「認為『我擁有什麼』就代表『我是什麼』,追求各種符號以滿足欲望,對了解真實的自己與別人不感興趣。」當人們不知道如何自處及與他人相處,就四出尋找相應的符號,「比如女人要點、男人要點、最佳的人際關係應該點。有了伴侶,同樣依靠外間提供的符號去界定什麼是愛。就像:如果你情人節不送花,就代表你不愛我;或者:我是男人,你作為我身邊的女人,就應該點點點。你要的不是面前那個人,而是要他滿足你心目中某些符號和欲望,對方的存在只為了這個。你不懂用別的方法表達愛和感受愛。」

「我感覺到的是,大家似乎喪失了一種對他人存在狀態的感受能力。只會用一些好表面的反應去界定別人,而不是去了解,為何他在那個情景裏會做出這樣的反應?大家習慣了購買,付出然後換回報,會好難調節為沒有目的,就是想了解你,了解完之後無用㗎,就係了解咗一個人囉。如果感受不到這件事本身的價值,就無辦法,關係就會維持在大家搵對方來滿足自己願望的層次。」

在冷酷無情的資本主義社會裏,寄望依靠一個愛情對象來提供避風港,幾乎注定失望。首先這個愛情對象也可以是煩惱和壓力的來源;即使兩人相處和洽,在面對制度性的剝削和壓迫、社會不公義降臨到自己身上時,如果沒有穩固的人際和社區網絡,單靠一個愛情對象的力量,肯定無以抵禦。「我不是說大家要有好多個伴侶,而是在不同人之間,我們能否建立親近的關係?而非把愛情看作唯一值得追求和經營的感情?」首先我們得明白和確認,除了愛情對象,自己身邊還是有很多人的;然後是,我們能否跳出慣性的角色定型,真切地了解身邊的這些人?

從他細個到現在幾十歲,經歷過什麼,性格和脾氣怎樣變成我眼前的樣子。了解一個人是從長期相處中,看到他整個生命的脈絡,這樣你就會發覺,每個人一生這樣走過來,其實都不容易。你懂得這樣去感受時,對他的感情就不同了。

「學習去發現和關心其他人,聽起來好像簡單,但做落原來又很複雜。因為這過程其實好微妙、好隱晦的,你需要好大的注意力去跟別人溝通,留意別人的反應和信號。大家返工返到咁累,這些 emotional labour 你會唔想做。所以亦是一個制度問題,逼人返工返到無餘力去理解身邊人,總之希望找到一個伴侶作為水泡,拉拉扯扯就過一世。而剩唔剩女,只是這一大堆制度結構問題的表徵之一。」

I enjoyed reading this so much. In fact, I should probably call it a process of discovery, where I felt many of my subconscious queries answered, and many clues revealed. There is a great treasure to be found here, knowledge that will make me a more mature individual. It’s true, I’ve been pondering on many of the ideas for a while now, but was never really able to even come to the exact riddle.

It’s fantastic that I get to have some pointers from such an interesting figure! A cultural critic and political activist, a woman (perhaps more importantly, haha, since men hardly think about these things i guess! @@ not being sexist here, just an impression built through experience)

Right now, as I have realized myself, presents the opportunity and urge for greater self-discovery. Trevor was right. I need to get out of comfort zone. Enjoy life, cheer myself up, stop thinking about useless things, and try to make the most out of every day.

I can do this with deep reading, artistic endeavors, living more healthily… anyway, I think i’m on the right track, letting go of what I don’t think is right and making connections again with old friends and new.

I should be proud that even though I was not fully aware of my framework, I’d already embarked on the ideas that are being put forward. That is probably because I am less a product of any particular paradigm. I should remember this as the first time that I saw the good side of changing so many schools (apart from having many so-called ‘friends’). I am different, uniquely me, and that’s wonderful.

從前共你 促膝把酒傾通宵都不夠 我有痛快過你有沒有
很多東西今生只可給你 保守至到永久 別人如何明白透
實實在在踏入過我宇宙 即使相處到 有個裂口
命運決定了 以後再沒法聚頭 但說過去 卻那樣厚


生死之交當天不知罕有 到你變節了 至覺未夠

但是命運入面每個邂逅 一起走到了 某個路口
是敵與是友 各自也沒有自由 位置變了 各有隊友


來年陌生的 是昨日 最親的某某

I wanna scream i wanna cry I want to be happy i want to try

Since when has life gotten so difficult

Since when have i lost all my words

i cant communicate unless on a super superficial level

ITS WEIRDDDDDD

please let me stop thinking

naturalmachine:

My friend brought in these two images in class for a presentation recently.  It really made me like Jeff Wall way, way more.  I also did some reading about his work (for that same class).  I definitely am so much more appreciative of his photos now.

What’s most striking to me about this particular pairing is the idea of what we value in our contemporary culture, vs. what cultures of the past used to value.  Hokusai’s work often revolved around the presence of volcanic Mount Fuji (pictured here in the background), a landmark that symbolizes a powerful force of nature, but also nature’s beauty.  Meanwhile, Jeff Wall chose to substitute the grey, urban, industrial landscape in place of Hokusai’s Fuji, a man-made canal and ploughed field for the green marshes—suggesting, perhaps, our shift in values.  What is it that we honor and treasure today?

wow. 

i just remembered to a start that 416 is the area code for toronto. no wonder it felt like such a familiar number.

a post on break ups talking about the song “White Flag” when i was just thinking about it ytd, even though it is a song from 2004???

sometimes we just cant help but believe in fate. 

maybe it just takes longer for some people to learn how to love, or maybe some just aren’t meant to be able to do it. i realised that i’ve always focused on taking and taking from love, but not giving back. it’s as if it’s not wired into me, and i have no idea how to begin to do it.