李維怡

消費主義,讓我們從小習慣以購物去滿足和麻醉自己,「認為『我擁有什麼』就代表『我是什麼』,追求各種符號以滿足欲望,對了解真實的自己與別人不感興趣。」當人們不知道如何自處及與他人相處,就四出尋找相應的符號,「比如女人要點、男人要點、最佳的人際關係應該點。有了伴侶,同樣依靠外間提供的符號去界定什麼是愛。就像:如果你情人節不送花,就代表你不愛我;或者:我是男人,你作為我身邊的女人,就應該點點點。你要的不是面前那個人,而是要他滿足你心目中某些符號和欲望,對方的存在只為了這個。你不懂用別的方法表達愛和感受愛。」

「我感覺到的是,大家似乎喪失了一種對他人存在狀態的感受能力。只會用一些好表面的反應去界定別人,而不是去了解,為何他在那個情景裏會做出這樣的反應?大家習慣了購買,付出然後換回報,會好難調節為沒有目的,就是想了解你,了解完之後無用㗎,就係了解咗一個人囉。如果感受不到這件事本身的價值,就無辦法,關係就會維持在大家搵對方來滿足自己願望的層次。」

在冷酷無情的資本主義社會裏,寄望依靠一個愛情對象來提供避風港,幾乎注定失望。首先這個愛情對象也可以是煩惱和壓力的來源;即使兩人相處和洽,在面對制度性的剝削和壓迫、社會不公義降臨到自己身上時,如果沒有穩固的人際和社區網絡,單靠一個愛情對象的力量,肯定無以抵禦。「我不是說大家要有好多個伴侶,而是在不同人之間,我們能否建立親近的關係?而非把愛情看作唯一值得追求和經營的感情?」首先我們得明白和確認,除了愛情對象,自己身邊還是有很多人的;然後是,我們能否跳出慣性的角色定型,真切地了解身邊的這些人?

從他細個到現在幾十歲,經歷過什麼,性格和脾氣怎樣變成我眼前的樣子。了解一個人是從長期相處中,看到他整個生命的脈絡,這樣你就會發覺,每個人一生這樣走過來,其實都不容易。你懂得這樣去感受時,對他的感情就不同了。

「學習去發現和關心其他人,聽起來好像簡單,但做落原來又很複雜。因為這過程其實好微妙、好隱晦的,你需要好大的注意力去跟別人溝通,留意別人的反應和信號。大家返工返到咁累,這些 emotional labour 你會唔想做。所以亦是一個制度問題,逼人返工返到無餘力去理解身邊人,總之希望找到一個伴侶作為水泡,拉拉扯扯就過一世。而剩唔剩女,只是這一大堆制度結構問題的表徵之一。」

I enjoyed reading this so much. In fact, I should probably call it a process of discovery, where I felt many of my subconscious queries answered, and many clues revealed. There is a great treasure to be found here, knowledge that will make me a more mature individual. It’s true, I’ve been pondering on many of the ideas for a while now, but was never really able to even come to the exact riddle.

It’s fantastic that I get to have some pointers from such an interesting figure! A cultural critic and political activist, a woman (perhaps more importantly, haha, since men hardly think about these things i guess! @@ not being sexist here, just an impression built through experience)

Right now, as I have realized myself, presents the opportunity and urge for greater self-discovery. Trevor was right. I need to get out of comfort zone. Enjoy life, cheer myself up, stop thinking about useless things, and try to make the most out of every day.

I can do this with deep reading, artistic endeavors, living more healthily… anyway, I think i’m on the right track, letting go of what I don’t think is right and making connections again with old friends and new.

I should be proud that even though I was not fully aware of my framework, I’d already embarked on the ideas that are being put forward. That is probably because I am less a product of any particular paradigm. I should remember this as the first time that I saw the good side of changing so many schools (apart from having many so-called ‘friends’). I am different, uniquely me, and that’s wonderful.

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