Class-ified, day and night

Last night I had a strange dream, which involved my dad and some CLC classmates having lunch (or was it breakfast?) together. The funny thing is, mom and dad have never been to CLC (wow… this is the first time i realised that – the fact that they spent so much of their earnings/savings on my education there PLUS the fact that i actually lived there for two years makes it weird that they have never actually been, and it’s weirder that it’s only hitting me now). Another funny thing is that, those girls who we had lunch with, Izzy B and another girl (emz G? lulu H?)  were not particularly close friends of mine.

Anyway, it was dad’s birthday and Izzy and the other girl decided to treat dad, the birthday guy, and the 4 of us had a meal together. However, when i tried to ask Izzy how much it was so I could pay her back, she wouldn’t tell me. And apparently I had an innocent look of “how can I not pay”, to which she responded sympathetically saying it’s OK we can treat both of you. Then just a minute later, I see another girl paying Izzy 50 pounds for another meal they had together (which in my understanding during the dream was much more expensive than the lunch/breakfast)…

I wonder if the mentality of my status as a ‘lower class’ citizen still stuck with me until this day, and I wonder why it surfaced last night in my dreams, of all nights.

I also remember yesterday when I was having lunch with N in Fairwood, we had the same meal ($35) but she got a cold drink whereas I just took a glass of warm water. I remember thinking that this is the difference between people of different financial prowess. This is the difference between N and me, that even after she got a cold drink, she still thinks the meal costs next to nothing, while I would rather go to the dai pai dong and save a further $10…

Actually, I think the matter with my caring so much about how to spend my money and with my relatively strong urge to save instead of spending on anything in general comes from this time in my youth (well obviously also my parents’ influence before that). But during that period, while others went out to get several pairs of shoes worth over 100 pounds, I would rarely spend any money at all, such that I never really went to London to explore around (since that needed $) and mainly just bought tiny things to ‘sustain my happiness and suspend my consumerist urge’.

In any case, many people have said that learning to spend money is the first step to earning more money. I will try to see money from another perspective, from a de-personalised and de-historicised one, perhaps.

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