Category Archives: Uncategorized

2013/2014

幾多場痛哭 其實值得哭嗎

2013

began with pervasive low moods, confusion, sense of weakness

then trying to make people happy by dancing in the streets

then becoming disillusioned with that again

applying and studying for the postgrad cert

finally quitting the job

busy school

doubting self again

feeling asocial, disconnected with friends and unmotivated to reconnect

angry with self, afraid to make decisions.

*

happy thing:

finding Mr A, but i don’t want him to be only an anesthesia from the rest of my life. i want him to be part of my happy life.

staying calm even when my m is coming out, before doing a good SCID

*

2014:

what good is worrying? just do what you can and you won’t need to regret. keep calm (clear-headed). keep going!

love myself and be a little bit better to myself with less self-criticisms, less self-harming through constant comparisons, less rumination

more sports, laughter, books, hugs and kisses

in the end, it doesn’t matter whether you succeed or not, it’s the process.

8 Lessons From My First Relationship

Every once in a while, you realize all of a sudden that you have learned something from that “once upon a time”, something specific, yet something which is often hard to put a finger on. I am quite often annoyed with myself for being so indulged in love & romance topics – it seems that this is where I can dedicate most energy, most willingly, or even obsessively. The caller last night was perhaps right in saying that everyone is somehow mentally ill in that they will be quite adamant about some specific thing(s) in their lives. Perhaps in mine it is love, or attachment. Anyhow, though flashes of past lovers keep popping back into my mind, I have learned not to be perturbed. Instead, I am glad for the way things turned out. At least my life experience is much richer now than it would’ve been.

Thought Catalog

1. You can’t love someone else without loving yourself first

There’s a reason for the cliché; it can’t be more true: no one wants to be with an insecure girl worried about every zit, stomach roll, and mismatched pair of socks.

It is so important to love yourself first, to know what you need from yourself and from a partner, to first nurture those needs on your own and spend time becoming your own best friend before you become someone else’s. And besides, how can you convince someone to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself?

2. Dependence is dangerous

Prior to this relationship, I hadn’t known what it was like to become dependent on someone else. I had always been the one to stop myself from crying, to talk myself out of my own doubts. I soon became aware how easy it was to use someone so…

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9 Rules To Win Every Argument

ways to sound convincing

Thought Catalog

1. Pretend your opponent is really good, even if they aren’t

Nothing sends an argument down the toilet like willfully misunderstanding what the other person is trying to say. Answer the counter argument at it’s strongest points. This makes you look smart because only a person confident in their own case would feel generous enough to help out the other side.

2. Critique the argument, not the person

If you want to lose all your credibility leave your argument on the sidelines and attack the person. Remember when Rush Limbaugh was debating birth control and said a woman who disagreed with him probably just wanted it because she was a slut? It’s going to piss people off, not make them agree with you.

3. Don’t get mad at it

It’s not wrong, despite what traditional rhetoric might say, to give credence to your emotions. You are a human and it’s…

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How Do You Make Life-Changing Decisions?

Thought Catalog

First, you get rid of the notion that anything about your life is really at stake. Whatever happens, you’ll be fine. You’re not deciding whether to opt for chemo or not.

That is to say: calm down. We, the young and ambitious, deal almost exclusively with rich white people problems. We’re not going to starve if we make the wrong decision.* There is very little we can’t undo.

Of course, that doesn’t make life-changing decisions any less intimidating or take away the fact that the adults in our lives did next to nothing in the way of preparing us. I think that’s why since I dropped out of school (and wrote about it as it was happening) people have been coming to me as though I have some special insight on making these kinds of calls. Since I did it then and have done it several times since, they…

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I wonder about this continuous journey and lesson in life, where we see our weakness closeup and raw, then come out the other side stronger. Sometimes we regress, or backtrack to places where we haven’t lingered long enough yet. It seems that the process is idiosyncratic, but at the same time it’s not that hard to find someone who shares your needs and your dreams. When that happens, we find it easy to become partners. You share whatever insights and resources you have, as well as your worries and fears. It’s always better when you got someone else on your side. Or so it seems. Until you realize that there are some things you cannot learn when you’re with someone else. As the circles closes itself, the only thing left to do, is to keep walking, build up your strength, and patiently, half foolishly and half determinedly, wait until that day when the impossible might finally happen.

I wonder about this continuous journey and lesson

The 10 Decisions That Change Your Life

Thought Catalog

1. Deciding that you have the power to change. I’m all about the power of thought and the fact that we’re all creators of our own experience. The day you decide you want to change something about your life is the first step of the journey.

2. When you choose to make your work what you’re passionate about. The bills have to be paid and you have to get dinner on the table somehow, I know. But if there’s anything you decide to do, please make your life work what you love to do most. You don’t have a career, you have a life. Live it.

3. When you make your own family. You decide who that consists of: biological family members, men, women, friends, spouses, lovers, kids, animals, whoever. Family is one of those things that I believe you can choose. And there are few things more important than your…

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21 Ways to Help Yourself Heal

Thought Catalog

1. Give yourself the emotional break you need. We work so hard to prove to others that we are worth it and prove to yourselves that we matter. Start realizing you have nothing to prove.

2. Recognize the joy in small things. Some days, when it rains yet again or the weather isn’t as temperate as the forecast promised, it can be hard to see the good in the world. On those days, don’t try to see the good in everything. See the good in something small, like a great cup of coffee.

3. Make up with someone with whom you’ve been putting off a reconciliation. Be the person who picks up the phone to reach out. We sometimes hate ourselves for caving first, as if you get a prize for holding out. You outlasted. However, I think you should get a prize for forgvieness. They give people medals for…

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trying to love myself. by taking care of myself.

clearing the room of old things, i used the following sorting method: if i don’t have a memory attached to a particular object, that object is going into the bin (though not before having its photo taken) by doing this, i found out just a little bit more about what’s important to me, and i got a taste of how to living purposefully, where you actively make choices about what to in/exclude in your life.

i found also that i am now more able to let go of the so-called golden period which i used to label onto my childhood. yes sure, i had lots of people to love me, and lots of interesting experiences, but that need not to be a constant backdrop that i compare my current life with. OK, so maybe i wasn’t such a good friend and had therefore not managed to keep that many in my life right now, but that doesn’t mean i have to constantly beat myself up about it. i can go out and meet new friends, and try to be a more interesting self so that there is something i can share with people i meet. i should also learn to under-promise and over-deliver, so that i maintain a good integrity standard which i myself consider to be an important attribute in a friend. also, the experiences are now up to me to create, and that should be more fun because after all, you are most aware of your own interests and what’s not to love about choices?

i also found that actually my first bf was not that bad of a bf. he is perfect in his own way, that is, unassuming, kind, reliable, though sometimes a bit childish. yet i can say that he is not the right one for me in that he does not provide enough stimulus for me as a person to make him suitable as a life-long partner. and also more importantly, i was in no way ready to stay in a long-term relationship seeing as it was my first serious one and i hardly knew about myself and what i wanted in a mate. of course, he would’ve been a strong breadwinner, but that is not enough for me, and it’s fine to accept this particular side of me. perhaps what i need then, in relation to that failed attempt, is someone who is intellectually interesting and enjoys being intellectual. someone who likes some fun in their lives and keeps things in a constant liveliness.

which brings me to the question if, as far as requirements are concerned, i am being impossible. what are the chances that such a ‘perfect’ guy would come along, be available, be interested in me, be compatible in the other aspects of our personality, values, background etc etc?

so therefore, i have resigned not to worry about finding mr right, but to improve myself first. i can’t control fate, but i can control what i do in my life everyday. perhaps i won’t always have the drive, i will sometimes be lazy, and i might sometimes lower my standard, but at least now i have a clear goal to work towards, and one that is very real and achievable (though never-ending). and that is important because i am no longer a kid, and significant because i’m fine with that thought.

To do list

– watch Amour

– sign up for an art course

– go visit st james’ creation ceramic gallery

– coursera courses

– keep looking for sw related openings

– decide on travel plans for late May

If everyone was blind, how would you be described?

Thought Catalog

I find it fascinating that people are usually described, initially at least, by a brief summary of their physical attributes and anything else that is outwardly recognizable. The first things we tend to first reach for when explaining someone are their hair color, clothing style, height, weight, job, or other successes. Even when we note that so-and-so is a really great person, that fact usually doesn’t stand alone. It’s sandwiched between other physical descriptors.

But that would make sense, right? Those are the obvious, most easily definable and recognizable things in a person. When we try to paint a picture of someone, we want to use what will best facilitate a visual. I get that. But the problem is that as much as we define other people within those means, I think we can sometimes begin to think of ourselves as being only the summation of what others can perceive.

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